Insults


Insults are jokes aimed at poking fun at others and ridiculing them with perfectly timed witty replies and also counter attacks from the second person.

Dumb 
Santa: Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense?
Banta: No, tell me how?
Santa: I will tell you next week.

Insulting Wife 
Man 1: What type is your wife?
Man 2: She is the type of wife who knows what she wants till one of the neighborhood ladies gets it.

Jerk Fail 
Friend 1: Please stop telling everyone that I am a jerk.
Friend 2: Sorry, I didn’t know that it was meant to be a secret.

Married Life Fail 
Neighbor 1: I think that it was the Smith’s wedding anniversary yesterday.
Neighbor 2: How do you know that?
Neighbor 1: There was 2 minutes of silence in their house yesterday.

Insulting Joke 
Man 1: You remind me of a film star.
Man 2: Which one?
Man 1: The one in Planet of the apes

Married Life 
Woman to her friend: My husband and I were happy for 25 years and then we met.

The ugly girl in the beauty parlor 
Man 1: I know that she is ugly but not as much as I thought.
Man 2: What happened?
Man 1: She had to spend six hours in the beauty parlor just to get an estimate.

Fat Man on a Weighing Machine Joke 
A fat man wanted to see how much he weighs and stepped on the electronic weighing machine. The machine printed: One at a time please!

Dumb Actress 
Director to an aspiring actress: Were you ever cast before?
Aspiring Actress:
Yes, last year I fell down and had my left leg in a cast.

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